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| The gardens of Ill pallazo Panchgani..One of the places connected with my childhood in India.Pic by Brian Read |
...And that was always the dream..a dream that one day I would bring my knight in shining armor home to meet my Mother and Father..that my loving grand Pa would be there to welcome my handsome Prince as his Grandson in law....that celebrations and jubilation would greet us all the way and the trees would be in bloom and the sunny skies of India would brighten our journey every moment of the way..
But..my father had died too young.. he was only in his early 50's and I was still growing up when he passed on to that other shore..that was 26 years ago...1990. Grand father passed away in 2002 a year after I left home to make my life in Canada alone in 2001.
I met Brian in the spring of 2009 and we fell in love before the year was out....We decided to marry early on in our courtship..but the actual ceremony took a while to materialize making us realize that there are powers above that decide our destined time..... Our bond is based on truth and love and faith and patience that made it all possible and the determination and will to never let each other go...
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Country Road take me Home..
Pic by Brian Read |
Finally one beautiful November day..we were married in a simple yet deeply loving and spiritual ceremony in Canada and then made the journey to India together as man and wife to visit my Mother..
..and she was there to welcome us both...my beloved Mother..a mother who encompasses all that a Mother can possibly be , both a father and a mother and a best friend and more in one.. She was there for us that day and she gave us a welcome that Brian and me will remember till the last day of our lives..
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The garden of Ramdara near Pune India.
Pic by Brian Read |
We left Canada on a cold February evening..excited and happy like two kids on a holiday..holding hands and laughing at each others jokes all through our night flight to Europe and then again another long flight to Mumbai..half way across the globe....never was there a couple as happy as us..sharing a journey and adventure together .Fellow travelers at the airports we stopped by seemed to look at us and smile..they caught the current of fun, love and excitement that we felt...I truly looked forward to seeing India through Brian's eyes..
When we landed in Mumbai it was hot..40 C and almost midnight..and 22 hours since we left Canada .Wow we could feel the heat and humidity even as we got off the plane..but the only thought in my heart was ..home..my sweet India..the beautiful Mumbai airport and the extra polite custom officers..They got a` kick' out of the fact that I an Indian woman was bringing my Canadian husband home to India to meet my Mother .Clearing the customs took a while but they said.. "Welcome to India " with bright grins and shook Brian's hands and called me " Bhabi" ( sister in law) I was smiling..and then we hailed a bright yellow cab and when Brian got his first look at India..his eyes were full of surprise..
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Chaturshingi Temple an old land mark in Pune
Pic by Brian Read |
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| Ravine hotel India |
As we got into the cab Brian made his first comment.." I do not mean any disrespect my dear..but every one here seems to be driving on the wrong side of the road." That's how it is in most nations" I said defensively and then caught Brian wink and laugh..( In North America we drive on the right..in India its the Left)..
Meanwhile our cab driver had a mind of his own..wanted to take the shortest possible route to the airport hotel..not intent on impressing foreign visitors in the least.. he drove through hut-ment colonies..and under the highway by passes where people sleep on the roads.and stray dogs bark all night...I looked at Brian from the corner of my eyes worriedly..he was as excited as a child.." ..I heard my Mother's warning echo in my ear.." see that you take him through the cleaner streets and better parts of the city..avoid the slums"..uh uh.the cab driver had a mind of his own.and Brian was unconcerned.." God loves the poor " Brian said philosophically to me.."see how happy and content the people look. Im fine...I'm excited babe...dont worry about me."Sometimes Brian can read my mind..and he always puts me a ease..not even 10 mts into Mumbai and I was already relaxing and happy..my Guy is the coolest ever!
Our hotel was beautiful and the staff courteous..I called my Mother at 1 am in the night to say that we had landed safely..her excitement was super high
" come home soon" she said " yes Mamma a few more hours " I replied....before we knew it we hit bed and fell asleep in minutes..I guess I woke before dawn..waking up in India is always precious to me..its like being encompassed in this unseen embrace of Mother and Motherland..of childhood memories and the excitement of being in the land where I was born and which I love more intensely than I can ever describe.
In India you wake up to the sound of the Cuckoo birds calling out in their sweet and persuasive songs..it is an unique and beautiful call..
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| A view from an Indian garden. |
I let Brian sleep until day break and then woke him up..breakfast ..checkout and then we were on our way to my home town Pune .
The drive via the beautiful E express way that cuts through the mountains of the Western ghats and takes you through the hamlets and hillsides of Maharashtra was lovely..the three hour traffic jam on the hill slopes did not stress Brian at all..but he had a fun time watching the monkeys jumping on the tress and " people watching" as we all slowly drove by....by the end of the drive we were thick friends with the friendly cab driver Rahul..
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| The western ghats India |
When we reached home in Pune three hours later than scheduled it was almost magical..the tall palm trees and
" Gulmohar " trees were in bloom and swaying in the hot summer breeze..even passers by on the lanes seemed to smile..and then we saw them....they were all standing at our estate gates...My beloved Mother, flanked by Munni ( The girl who takes care of the cooking and cleaning ) and Balu our faithful housekeeper since the last three decades who is more a brother to us than an employee..some neighbors too had gathered to see the " Foreign son In law"
Brian and I alighted from the car together and my mother swept us both into her warm embrace ..we all cried with joy and entered the old and beautiful three storied bungalow by the River side which my father and Mother had built together with so much of Love and so many dreams.
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| The river view from our home in Pune |
It is a tradition in India that when a married couple come home together for the first time they are given a special welcome.
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| Down memory lane.. |
We were seated like a Prince and Princess and My Mother , Munni and Balu welcomed us with lighted lamps, gold jewelry and gifts fit for a king and queen.. sweet rice ( payesh) and much love and laughter and warmth..Brian was overwhelmed and touched . Our wedding in Canada was a simple and quite one.( no one danced the jig or blew trumpets there )...but my Mother made it up to us in every way she possibly could..To us more precious than the gifts and the ceremony was the Love that we could clearly see and feel.
That is what I said to Brian..my Mother's love is something precious and deep..no where in the world can you experience this kind of warmth and genuine care than here. Further more in India no matter how wealthy or humble you are..each person gets the opportunity to feel like royalty not only when they marry..but also when they come home from wherever they are. Friends, family, neighbors and community and extended family make you feel special and one is never ever alone...Hospitality is who we are and what is as deeply embedded in our culture as are the sun and the warmth and the love of our people and our land..
That welcome set the tone of the next twenty days..Brian was treated like a Prince..me as always the daughter of the house and the eternal brat..( something never change).and yes also my mom's princess..
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| a cuckoo bird perched on the tamarind tree |
I share here some of the highlights and impressions of this unforgettable and sacred journey to meet Mother and Mother land with the man I love and married..my beloved..my best friend..my husband Brian..Moments of laughter, tears, nostalgic journeys into places connected with my childhood ...
Each morning we would awake first to the songs of the cuckoos..they would sing in batches..first batch around 5 am and then at half an hour intervals..I said to Brian sleepily..that is the song of India..years pass..people come and go but they sing on..you never see them..you will always hear them and they will always be part of your memories of this land....The beautiful, elusive, singing cuckoo bird..welcome to India !
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| Places and sounds of my childhood in India |
Late at night the " Watchmen" ( security guards) would march past the enclave of homes by the riverside..they would blow their whistles, shine their' Flash Lights " and click their batons..Brian would wake up and ask me if it was some exotic strange night bird.." No Honey" I said.." thats the night guards.." he laughed.." I sure feel safe now" he would say..
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| A garden at Panchgani |
Within a few days of landing I took Brian on a our journey to visit places and people connected with my childhood and family. By then Brian felt so much at home..My Mother's hospitality and motherly love that extends to all especially her own beloved son in law..the kindness and service of Balu and Munni who always went beyond the call of duty..in fact Brian commented that few employers in N America could ever buy this kind of love and loyalty from employees..it spoke highly about my Mother as a person and as an employer and the fact that we never think of Balu and Munni as staff but as family. It also spoke about their own integrity and goodness.
Another element of India is the open , airy and sunny Indian homes which allow man and nature to feel close to each other and that with the feeling of being always welcome and at ease put Brian into another realm and he often said to my mother " I just do not feel like going back to Canada again".
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| Walchandnagar.land mark with the statue of the founder. |
So we started our trips with a visit to Walchandnagar together. This is a little sugar factory township near Pune where our family had spent many many happy years of our life. My Grandfather J P Mukherji had come to join the Walchand company as a young Sugar technologists back in the late 40s when India had just became independent. He grew to become know as the ' Father of The Indian sugar industry" for pioneering the indigenous manufacture of sugar machinery in India. His innovations and break through technology would make India non dependent on foreign nations for their Engineering " Know How". The sugar machinery he designed and the technology he spear headed was one of the Industrial revolutions of India back then. My father and his siblings grew up here
( though they too studied in other parts of the land including far away Shantiniketan in West Bengal) and this town is where my Mother first came to meet my father as a young and shy bride. I remember the stories I heard and the photographs that are embedded in the albums of the week long festivities that marked their marriage celebration. For many years people spoke about how the entire township and all the factory workers and staff were invited to the wedding feast and no one was left out. After a four year stint in Canada in the 60s my parents returned to Walchandnagar where my father too became the Chief Executive Engineer of the company before he left to start his own Boiler Manufacturing company in Pune .
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| Our old childhood home in Walchandnagar |
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| Only the trees remain as witness to a beautiful time gone by |
As Brian and I walked down the lanes of the tiny town accompanied by the factory security officer. who wanted to be the tour guide...I fought back tears..The tree lined lanes..the old stone homes..the gardens and the blue sky above..How much this beloved township meant to me..even in my dreams I have walked down these streets so many times and now here I was with my beloved husband Brian..yet there was sadness that almost everyone connected with those years had passed on and gone away..only memories walked with me as I showed Brian our old and crumbling childhood home . We stood a moment on the grass and as a sacred "Token" of our `pilgrimage' picked up a fist full of earth from the garden of the house where my grand parents and parents had once lived..I could almost see my laughing, loving father walking down the pathway with his arms out stretched to hug us to his broad and protecting chest. Our many pets would join us as we ran out to the main gates to greet him..here is where our beloved gardener Bhandu Singh Rajput Mali would carry us on his shoulders and play with us like a beloved uncle with his kids.( I heard the sad news that he had passed away last October and it broke my heart that we would never meet again).
I remembered so many of my friends and the elders who we called uncles and aunts and the much loved people of our homestead.Some names come to mind the Bijlani family, Ranade uncle and Pramila aunty, Friends like Milind and Vishash Dada, Vinod Bhai Chumki, Kuttu, Anagha and Achala and then Gajra bai and Matari our childhood nannies.My aunt Krishna
( Baduni mashi) and so many many more. I even recalled our lovable and beautiful Pet Dog named Raja who was both the terror and pride of the town. Raja was a big and strong Alsatian Dog with a long black face and furry mane..he looked ferocious and many villagers thought he was a wolf..Though he had bitten a few people here and there and chased a few small animals around the garden on and off and though he had a loud bark and ferocious growl the truth was that actually he had a truly soft and loving heart and was always either thrilled or confused by all the fear and attention he got).
..Brian took many beautiful pictures as I told him and the security officers about our life here..and the memories that I will treasure till the end of my life. Brian and I held hands and he held me close as we left the old house ..even leaving the sacred grounds of my childhood home was so difficult for me. He understood totally because ever since we met in 2009 Spring..Brian would often take me for a walk around the old street named Sorauren Avenue in Toronto, Canada where Brian and his sister grew up in his Grand parents home..we are both sentimental about our grand parents and connect deeply when we share memories about them.
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| The famous Table land in Panchgani |
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| Ramdhara Temple near Pune. |
Our second trip was to Panchgani :Brian and I spent a few days up at the beautiful Hill station of Panchgani often described as the Switzerland of Maharashtra State, India.
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| The hills and valleys of Panchgani |
My brother and I went to boarding school here in Panchgani in our childhood days. My School was St Josephs convent.
A school founded during the British Raj. This school was first the `Alma Mater' of my aunt
( Father's sister Bijoya Mukherji who was the head girl in her time) I followed the family tradition and studied there too. My Brother studied at St Peter's famous too in its hey days. Brian was enchanted by the beautiful mountains. We stayed at the Ravine Hotel which is a favorite of Bollywood stars and stands by the Mountain slopes looking over the valleys. We walked down the old town and visited the Heritage Ill Palazzo Hotel where my parents always stayed when they came to visit us. Owned by the Daveirwallah family who hail from the Parsi community descendants of the Noble Zoroastrian Persians. This community is much loved and respected wherever they have gone, In Panchgani most hotels and land marks were owned by the Parsi community after the British left India. The Davierwallahs were very good friends of my Mom and Dad and seeing their pictures on the walls of the hotel office made me nostalgic for those days again. Brian was intrigued by the picture of Uncle with a hunting gun and a dead leopard at his feet. I told Brian how up until the early 80's leopards roamed the forests and the hills of Panchgani and Mahabaleshwar and the land was known as ' Panther Territory".
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| View of the valley from our hotel in Panchgani. |
Brian loved both the sugar factory town Walchandnagar which was once home and Panchgani which was once far away from home ..we walked hand in hand down the streets and I shared stories of my childhood and the precious time when Dad and Mom and my brother Tutu and I were growing up and the world seemed so perfect.
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| The garden of Ravine hotel Panchgani |
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| Monkey on the school fence. |
As we walked around this little town Brian took special delight in photographing the St Peter's school where my brother studied because not only my brother but Freddy Mercury ( the Internationally famous Rock star known as Queen) had once studied there (long before our time) and Brian had always been a great fan of Freddy Mercury's. Monkeys sat on the walls of the school and we had fun animal watching and walking down the lanes while school kids played along the road.
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| The Gates of St Peter's School Panchgani |
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| Back to school kid! |
The beauty of Panchgani is best appreciated after the Monsoon season..we were here in early Summer on the sub continent..but for me heat or cold..every lane and every turn held memories that worth more than all the gold in the world.. We walked along the hill slopes and into the township, Enjoyed the spectacular view and even a Thunder storm from our Hotel room and visited every place connected to my childhood in this Hill station..by day four we began to miss my Mom and home in Pune and drove back with a promise to soon be back..
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A view of Tableland , Asia's second largest plateau Panchgani
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In Pune my Mother had already planned a reception to honor our marriage and introduce her son in-law to our community and the people who knew both my father and grand father.In India a son in law is held in great honor..he is the partner of your much loved daughter and will be her 'All in all" for the years to come..(he must also be rewarded for taking the " Super Brat" off your hands.) In India even today many men abuse and misuse this honor. Not my husband...Brian was touched by the beautiful reception my beloved mother organised. It was held at Hotel Pride Executive Pune a stylish Hotel in the middle of town.Though my father is no longer around she is in her senior years she left no stone un turned nor cut any edges to make it as stylish and classy as in the days gone by..we were both moved by her generosity and love that is as always priceless..
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| Guests and family at our reception. |
Brian was received with open arms and warm hearts by not only all the guests at our reception but also by everyone who met him on our short trip to India..while he was deeply touched and moved by the love and warmth and generosity of our people and especially the kindness and loving heart of my Mom, Brian's humility, friendliness,ability to adjust to people, time and circumstances touched everyone's heart. He also got to meet some of the near and dear friends and close relatives such as my eldest cousin sister Meena di ( Mukherji) My favorite aunt Molly Mukherji and my childhood friend Radhika who I went to Fergusson college with and some of my old journalist gang of friends including Gita and Abhay. My Father's friend Uncle Dubey and his wife Shashi aunty showered their love and warmth on Brian and me as did so many others.
One of the places in our town which I often took Brian to was The Sarada Math in Pune. Not only is this the spiritual pillar of our family since 1979 but also a place of inspiration and a new life for thousands of Indians. I introduced Brian to the " Sanyassini "Mothers and sisters of the center.(.Hindu Nuns.)
The University Educated and highly accomplished women of this order have renounced the world and have dedicated their lives to a spiritually higher and very noble purpose . They see humanity as one and consider unselfish service to the under privileged and helpless members of society along with the highest spiritual attainment as the goal of their life. Their spiritual path is based on the immortal teachings and scriptures of Vedanta
( Oldest known scriptures in the world) This forms the basis of their noble mission.
Thousands of under privileged kids from the slums in the city and the land have received a better chance in life because of the free education, medical care, nourishment for the body, mind and soul along with Life skills provided by the mission over the last many decades .The greatness and the guiding force of the Sri Sarada Math and Mission is that those who receive assistance are never asked to give up their individual faiths and follow that of the Missions . Vedanta believes that all Noble and peaceful paths lead to one God. Service and Love are offered unconditionally .The Ramakrishna Mission similarly is run by the monks. Back in my high school and college days I would volunteer as an English teacher to the kids and had a lot of fun and unforgettable memories in that role. The Ramakrishna and Sarada Math missionaries never advertise or self promote their good work nor personally profit from any of their charities in anyway. They lead by example and are a source of spiritual and moral inspiration and hope to millions of men and women in the land. The renowned Sage Swami Vivekananda who was the inspiring force behind both the organisations once said "No miracle mongering and sensationalism in true spirituality and work for God, Country and all Humanity". Truth always triumphs. He has also said that politics and religion can never go hand in hand and that is why these two renowned spiritual and charitable organisations never have any link with politicians, political groups or power. The nuns at Sri Sarada Math treated Brian with the greatest courtesy, warmth and hospitality and he in turn showed them his true and noble Christian spirit by reciprocating the respect and honor to both the nuns and devotees in every way and proving himself to be a worthy " Son In Law" of my Father and mother and a wonderful ambassador of his land Canada and his Christian Faith.
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| Defiant Hawk on the coconut tree |
Our Lighter moments
This Hawk on the left `Sky bombed 'Brian whenever he went up to our terrace to take pics. It then flew on to the coconut tree and gave Brian the ' Hawk's eye' ..
Brian and the hawk had many close encounters and actually became Friends by the end of our stay.
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| Letter OX says the proud sign |
Below left is a view of the sun rise and the river and woods behind our home. Every day Brian would observe something beautiful about our home or family and then read a quote on that to my Mother. For example to build our house by the river took almost seven years because in order to build a strong foundation much earth had to be dug out to find the hard and solid rock beneath the soft sand. My father being an engineer was very particular about strong foundations....Brian read my Mother a scripture that says :
The Wise and Foolish Builders
“A wise man built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But for a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”Not only true for a home but a relationship,an organisation.. a dream to fulfill and any accomplishment in life.
Some beautiful land marks around the city of Pune where I grew up. All photographs in this article have been taken by my husband Brian Read.
My simple observations about what our marriage and visit to India revealed.. India is changing..people are open to Inter - Culture and international marriages like ours.
Many Friends and family commented that though we had both waited kind of late ( well North of 35) to marry..our " Jodi' ( In Hindi` match') proves that that patience is well worth it.Maturity is sometimes better than haste. Most folks were blown away by the manly personality, beauty,openness, humility and depth of my husband. In the end it is the meeting of hearts and souls and true love and understanding that reign. Everything else is secondary. race, religion, titles and color. All human kind is one and when you feel that you truly win..There was admiration and also some envy all around.
In India there is till a lot of pressure on women to marry early and single hood is frowned upon..arranged marriages are still forced on many young men and women often with tragic results. We heard that our late but great marriage sent a positive message to all who know us.
How is it that many Non resident Indians " look down upon India"while my truly north American husband loved every moment of it ?
If Indians who have left India truly loved their country then their children and friends would easily do that too. I love India with all my heart and soul and have learned to Love Canada my husbands' land almost as deeply.I shared with my husband all I loved and knowing how deeply sentimental he is too he could appreciate everything from a simple walk in the rain to a visit to a little sugar factory town..when you love another person truly and deeply then you love everything that person loves and you become one. Many Indians who have lived outside the land for a few years or even live a privileged life in India come back with airs and graces that are truly superficial and shallow., They 'pretend ' that they are offended by the smells, the traffic, the water and the pollution..( and if so what are we doing to help India address those issues?) They pretend that they are " White foreigners" though it is obvious they are not. Brian's un pretentiousness , adaptability and tolerance , appreciation and content was an eye opener for all. I share with you a beautiful extract from an email which Revered Swami Kripamayananda Maharaj the head of the Vedanta society of Toronto sent to me when I wrote to him from India about how much Brian was enjoying his trip to India. " Lipi It is your love of India and your love for your mother and husband that could create such a positive impression in the mind of the first time visitor to India from the West. Of course Brian's broad mindedness, his quality of appreciation of new things, his joy in seeing and knowing new culture and his love for the humanity has a whole has made this possible. And above all it is God's grace that he is so friendly and pure that he is being so lovingly and intimately treated by one and all. Victory to God !
(The reason I have shared this private email is that I believe that the messages of the people who walk in God such as this renowned Swami are meant for the good of all..Though they seem to address one individual their message is universal and deserves to be shared with anyone who listens) Finally both Love and hate are powerful emotions. Though exactly opposite they work on the same principals...Those who hate see the dark and the ugly and the evil and the misery in the object of their hate.Those who love see the light and the beauty and truth.
Those who visit other lands or communities with hidden agendas whether religious, political or personal that are not based on love and truth will always see and advertise the evil and the bad and that is how some nations and people are always represented as mean and bad...and what most people think of when you say India or Bangladesh or other lands is ghettos and poverty...as you can see from our experience and eyes that is just one small side of it and not the entire truth..There is much beauty, prosperity, goodness and majesty there.
Finally it was time to leave and we all wept..Brian held my mother close and cried like a little boy. I was reminded by a comment made by the great sage Swami Vivekananda 100 years or more ago..that the heart of a `True' Indian Mother is truly unique and one of a kind and unseen any where else in the world. We left with a promise to return every year and to bring her to us whenever she wished to Canada..
I love my Motherland India where I was born and I love my adopted country Canada where my beloved husband Brian was born. When we expand our hearts and minds..we are then fit to call ourselves children of the world and not just one land It is not the " Frogs in The Well" who inherit the world but those who dare to dream and Love from their hearts...we have an ancient saying in Sanskrit :
" Vasudev kutumbh "The whole world is one family..and we pray that our journeys and adventures in love and in the company of each other with this expanded view will continue for all time...So be it God!
All photographs in this blog article have been taken by my husband Brian Read.
"Mother and Motherland are sweeter than heaven itself"... Visiting my India after 8 years
